I saw my psychiatrist today and got to think about the past. And we've been talking about these things at the course too. The Not So Easy To Deal With-things. And I feel like I've come a long way. I don't know if I feel much better, probably not, maybe even a little worse. The medication change made me realize how vulnerable I still am, how easily everything falls apart. But at least now, when things get rough or really really hard, I can get up afterwards and move forward. It no longer stops... everything.
I've realized that I am definitely not ready to go "to the real world", I wouldn't be able to work or handle the stress that comes with it. I cannot take negative feedback at all without falling apart. I know I need help, I know I have a lot of package that I have go though, sort out in my life, before I will be well again, but I KNOW. That's the big difference. I am no longer in the dark, wondering why I am so broken. I know why, I just need to get well, get over them... no, not over them, I don't think I will ever be able to do just that, but to learn how to handle things. How to handle situations that break me.
This has been a good day. Yesterday was a good day too. Two in a row. Gives me hope. ^_^ ♥
And I've been painting! Loads and loads! Three new paintings in a week, I haven't been that productive in months, if not years! And I returned to my first love: realistic painting! Aaah, I so love to paint realistically, but for some reason I haven't dared to do that in a long time. I thought I couldn't anymore. I am proving myself wrong, teehee. ^_^
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| This is the first one I've made. 9 more to come. Does anyone recognize her? Hint: She's my favourite actress and probably the most beautiful woman in the world. ;D (Yes, I've used a reference picture, heavily. The whole point of this picture was to make her look exactly the same as in the pic... ^_^ |
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