Feeling like a drug addict

So, I told about changing my medication earlier? It all started to well, and I was so happy that everything was going so easily.

And then it hit me like a hammer in the head. The withdrawal symptoms. I am gonna write a longer post about all this when I've gotten back to health again (when I can write again, this is so hard), but let's just say: I've been living in hell for the past 5 days. I cannot get out of bed, I can't watch TV without throwing up, I can't even read books cannot draw, cannot play games. I can't eat anything and especially I cannot walk!

The dizziness is horrible, the "electric shocks" inside the mind, the nauseating feeling every time I turn my head or try to focus on something. And the depression, there's no strength left in me, I burst out crying just because I am so tired, so so tired... It's fucking killing me. And the worst part is this: this could all have been avoided! I got wrong instructions from my doctor. But of course you trust your doctor...

If I could even sleep, but one of the worst symptoms are the nightmares. I wake up in the middle of the night, heart hammering, frightened for my life, crying, horrified. The nightmares are so life-like it takes a moment to realize it stopped, that I'm awake. And imagine falling asleep again after that.

So here I am, staring ahead, lying in bed, not knowing when I get my life back, my strength back. I hope it will be soon, because this is horrible, absolutely completely horrible. And the longer it lasts, less likely it feels like I will ever be healthy again, the deeper I sink into the suffocating depression where you can do absolutely nothing...