Spring 3

Today has been a good day. I've done some school stuff, the last of school stuffs I have. And I got two difficult math exercises done... now I've done 5/10 and I still have over half of the time left. When I return these assignments next week, I have everything done. I'm ready!

I went to buy some foods and drinks today for tomorrow's Vappu day (a big spring celebration in Finland) and bought a six-back of long drinks (4,7 % alcohol), which should have cost over 10 €'s. The cashier made some sort of mistake, because I got the six-back with 1,83 €! WOAH! =D

If I ever get a car (which I doubt because I don't need one), I want one like this. Well, coloured like this, but something smaller. ;P

I went to the movies yesterday with my Viking. Our first movie date ever, because he doesn't really like going to movies. We went to see Howl and both really really liked it. It was perfectly psychedelic and homoerotic. And James Franco was awesome, of course. ^_^

Easter

The easter holidays have been great, but I'm a little happy it's back to normal life tomorrow. I miss the shops being open and the whole town is completely empty because everyone is somewhere for easter. Next weekend is Vappu, so it's not a long rest. Everyone's celebrating on Saturday and I've been invited to two parties already, but I don't really want to do anything special, just relax and if the weather is as nice as it has been now, be out a lot. A picnic on a Sunday would be perfect. =D

So my easter started on Thursday when my viking came back from a week long trip and spent the night here. We watched movies and ate well, the usual. It was really nice. He went home on Friday and I went to eat easter dinner with mom, stepdad, aunt, aunts husband, sister, her husband and their two kids (9 & 11). The food was good and company great. After that I spent the thole night at my mom's, where we drank red wine and talked politics. XD

On Saturday I was supposed to go to my dad's, but he called me and asked me to come on Sunday so I just relaxed the whole Saturday and at night went to a long walk around town. On Sunday it was time for eater dinner at my dad's, where my two stepsisters and their boyfriend & husband & baby were too. My stepmom had made an amazing dinner, yummmm! Unfortunately I had to leave really early because my viking was coming to visit me again. ♥ But I had time to play a little with the baby and carry her around the apartment.

And the night I spent with my viking, watching movies again. In the morning we woke up excited to watch the second episode of "Game of Thrones", we're both mad about the series, it's aaaawesome! =D When he went home, I went for a long walk, the weather is so warm you don't have to wear a jacket anymore, I absolutely love it! =D

Tomorrow I've promised myself to take all the bottles from my balcony to the store so I can clean the balcony, put chairs in there and maybe enjoy the warm weather there one of these nights. ^_^ I so LOVE spring!

Spring 2

A little bit more politics: The True Finns didn't end up as the biggest party in the end. Only the third. Which means they cannot make decisions by themselves, but with two other parties. I'm still worried, but less now. The thing is that some of the True Finns are big jerks, racists and chauvinists, but it cannot be helped, they have been chosen now.

Then to other things:
I've been incredibly down lately, so I made a decision to take a bigger dose of my mood medication. I got a permission from my doctor when I went to discuss about my blood pressure. I still have to observe the blood pressure and if it goes incredibly high, something has to be done. Sigh.

I hate this. I hate being depressed, because I want to be happy, I want to laugh and enjoy spring. But at the same time it feels like I'm being sucked into a deep, dark hole with no hope. School ending and graduating seems scary and for some reason I've been feeling like my life is over. That this was it, and I've accomplished absolutely nothing. I have nothing to show for my life.

I feel like crying all the time and randomly burst out in tears. And I feel so damn tired. I want to cheer up. Tomorrow I'm going to the lab to get some blood works, they are checking my sugar levels. And now I'm really scared that maybe I have a wayyy too high sugar levels. Well, tomorrow will tell.

I'll try to cheer up. I hate being mopy, it feels like I'm sucking all the happiness from around me and that's why I don't really want to see anyone. I don't want to fake laugh and fake smile and pretend to be happy, I don't have the energy for it. Wooooop, don't I sound so positive, haha. X3
Really, I just need to be and rest and wait till this passes and life can smile again. I know it does, eventually.

Well, shit

I had my first panic/anxiety attack in over a year last night. It sucked. Haha. Today I've been tired and utterly irritated all day. When I went to see my stepmom and dad tonight, I just burst crying suddenly. What the hellllll?

I don't usually care about politics, but this day is a very sad day for Finland:
We had the parliamentary election here in Finland today and the "True Finns" party got the most votes =(. This is a very very shitty thing for us Finns who are even a little bit openminded. The True Finns party oppose gay marriage, abortion, our second language Sweden being taught in schools... and The European Union... Even women who are raped, should not be permitted to get an abortion. =X

They are a religious party and are against atheism and female priesthood. They want tougher punishments for criminals and much less asylum seekers into Finland.
Which means: they are against everything I feel is important. This sucks. So very badly. I truly hope Finland will not fall into a pit of racism and hate after this, it doesn't promise anything good. =(

Dreams

"Hope is never lost as long as you have dreams"
This is what my psychiatrist said to me a little while ago. She also said that when I told her my dreams, I was smiling. And I believe her, and in my dreams, because I've seen dreams coming true. ^_^

I am feeling good today. I woke up next to my viking, got to kiss him awake, it was beautiful and sunny outside, and so warm, and I went for a walk a couple of times. I feel at peace. ^__^ Great weekend! ♥

cure for the problem

I am suffering from Restless Legs. If you've never heard of it, google it, it's a very very annoying but not at all dangerous little problem. =X

So because my stepdad is a doctor, I asked him if he knew any way or medicine other than Magnesium that would help to the restless legs. I already have to stretch my legs and sit on my knees for half an hour before going to sleep or it will be impossible to fall asleep because the legs wont stop running. XD

He seemed really excited and told us about an article he had read from a German medicinemagazine's website where he is often looking for good advices. We were sitting at dinner table, me, mom, stepdad and my stepbrother. And then he told me that the best cure for restless legs is sex.

And mom smiled and told me to "do some handyworks" before sleeping. And everyone chuckled and laughed. And I told her that it was a good thing that sex was free.

My family is so weird! XDDD How many others talk like that at the dinner table? X3

The concert

So of course when we finally went to the Sonata Arctica concert, it was absolutely amazing! One of the best concerts I've been on. =D They played a lot of new songs that I didn't know how to sing, but then they also played some old, dear ones, like "Victoria's Secret", "Misery" and "Full Moon". On Full Moon they played this funny Rap intro, then sang a christmas song and some jazz and finally the song itself. The talks between the songs were really funny and more than once the whole audience was laughing. ^_^ ♥ A wonderful night.



Photos will follow! We took a looot of them. =D

Spring 1

The sun is shining outside and I feel awake. I was going to take it easy today and just relax, but then last night my stepmom called me and asked me to go and check if they left the coffeemaker on last night... so no rest for me. =P On the other hand it's so beautiful outside that I want to go out for a walk anyways.

We're going to see Sonata Arctica tonight on a concert, but for some reason I don't feel like it at all. I love the band, but I just don't feel like hanging out with drunken loud finns who cannot stop screaming and yelling, I want some peace and quiet.

Yesterday I failed my math exam. Which was expected. Now I'm just waiting for the teacher to arrange me the next exam. So I can graduate. It's all that's standing between me and the graduation. I am actually gonna be an engineer, me? HAHA! XD ...This of course also means I'm gonna have a party soon too, wheeee!