Another movienight, this time with my sister and her daughter Jenni (11). We went to see the new Twilight movie, Breaking Dawn. I know, I know, I've always bashed the Twilight story, and I still think it really sucks, but I have read all the books and seen the 3 previous movies, so I thought that I might as well see this one too. And the movies are not as bad as the books (which are horrible!).
I didn't expect aaaanything from the movie. I was just worried I would burst out laughing at the wrong parts. =P But it was okay. The actors are mostly good, some of them great. And I have to admit that I think Robert Pattinson has learnt how to act, or at least how to act Edward. I think he was great, O.o!
But he was still a nerve wrecking angsty fairy. I refuse to call those things vampires. X3 And oh how I hated Bella. But seeing her suffer in the movie wasn't that nice. It's a pretty lovestory and there were some really funny parts too. I laughed like crazy at the part where the happy couple are on their honeymoon and Bella is trying to seduce Edward to have sex with her. She spreads herself in tiny lingerie on the bed... and Edward, in agony, covers her with a sheet.
... we do that with my viking almost every time he visits me, haha! XD
The great thing about the movie was, that the characters seemed to have grown a sense of humour, you get to laugh quite a lot. That didn't happen in the books. And all those stupid things that the author did, have somehow been... minimized in the movie. There were blaaah scenes, but they weren't as bad.
I don't know about the last movie though, because that part of the book was just a big "oh-we'll-be-forever-happy-and-having-sex" Bella & Edward thingie with some fighting and unrealistic turns of events. But we'll see, maybe they'll somehow rescue the last movie like they did this one.
Enough of Twilight. My viking is coming home... well, my place, tomorrow! Yayyy! ♥ He's so antisocial that I don't know if he'll come spend new years with me, but as long as I see him before that, it doesn't really matter. ^__^ And lets face it: I have so many problems of my own, that if he has this one fault: that he's antisocial, I really can't blame him for it. As long as he wants to be with me, I'm happy. ^_^
(and Ktiraam has met him, she can prove he really exists. XD)
And I went to see my doctor and psychiatrist today. In the morning. First I slept too late, woke up 10 to 9, when my appointment was at 9, pulled on my clothes and ran to the health center. I was only 5 minutes late. ^^;
We discussed about my medication and the doctor decided to raise the dose by 150 mg/day. Gaaaah! I hope this doesn't make me all weepy and depressed again, because I am so sick and tired of that! I want something happy. I hope I get more happy from the meds. ^_^
And then the doctor diagnosed me, finally: I have an anxiety disorder. Not a surprise, I've thought so for years, but this is the first time I get a proper diagnosis of it. And they are considering getting me into therapy. Finally! I've known about the anxiety disorder for a long time, but I didn't know that it all started at the troubles of my youth, the problems at home, stepdad... that stuff. I learnt to be so wired up for danger, that I am still getting those anxiety attacks because of that. It's amazing how clear it is, it all leads there, to my youth. People learn some basic life lessons then, learn how to cope, how to handle themselves and how to act in certain situations. And I had to be always, always ready to flee, to run, to get away, to cover, that when anything even slightly similar happens now (even a hard word can tricker it), I get an anxiety attack.
The good thing is, therapy should help that.
So... now I wait.
Dec 29, 2011
Naked Stephen Fry
Christmas is over, thank goodness. XD I had a fun christmas, but at the same time it's such a stressful time I am very glad it's over and done with for the year again. And new years is almost here. As always my plans for new years are a little shadowy yet, but it's been like this for the past I don't remember how many new years and every time it has turned out a really fun night, so I don't stress about it. =D
I saw some old friends from Tampere & Joensuu yesterday. A couple of friends of mine are getting married and the bride's sister was with them too, we had not seen each other properly to talk for almost a year so there was talk. And it was really fun to see them. At the end, after circling the town and seeing my place with the new order, we ended up to the movies. They were going anyways, and asked me to tag along and how could I refuse, they were going to see Sherlock Holmes (2)! (Don't worry Ktiraam, I will GLADLY come and see the movie with you again ;P)
And booooyyyy was the movie awesome! I was so waiting to see it because my favourite actress Noomi Rapace is in it. ♥_♥ (She kicked ass! KYAAAH!) And that wasn't the only awesome/yummy thing about the movie, you can get a clue from the topic, HAHA! XD There are more surprises of course, but I won't spoil the movie from anyone. I'm just gonna recommend it! \^_^/
So now, awaiting next year. I am so glad this one is almost over, haha. I hope the next one will be much better. For everyone. At least it is bringing a lot of things to look forward to:
- Viking coming back home
- Me getting some sort of job thingie
- Getting into therapy
- Bucketfull of awesome new movies
- The wedding of Essi & Niko
- The bachelorette party for Essi! ;D
- Summer!!!
I saw some old friends from Tampere & Joensuu yesterday. A couple of friends of mine are getting married and the bride's sister was with them too, we had not seen each other properly to talk for almost a year so there was talk. And it was really fun to see them. At the end, after circling the town and seeing my place with the new order, we ended up to the movies. They were going anyways, and asked me to tag along and how could I refuse, they were going to see Sherlock Holmes (2)! (Don't worry Ktiraam, I will GLADLY come and see the movie with you again ;P)
 |
| Noomi ♥ |
So now, awaiting next year. I am so glad this one is almost over, haha. I hope the next one will be much better. For everyone. At least it is bringing a lot of things to look forward to:
- Viking coming back home
- Me getting some sort of job thingie
- Getting into therapy
- Bucketfull of awesome new movies
- The wedding of Essi & Niko
- The bachelorette party for Essi! ;D
- Summer!!!
Dec 24, 2011
Merry Xmas!
Happy happy joy joy! It's finally xmas, time to relax, watch good movies, eat yummy food and drink delicious drinks. ♥ Merry Xmas for all! ^_^
 |
| ^____^ |
Dec 22, 2011
Holidays
Happy holidays, what ever you are celebrating! \^_^/ Today is winter solstice, and that's for sure a reason to celebrate, I want more sun! Teehee. ^_^
I had a really big troubled time during last weekend/the beginning of this week, but thank goodness things are now sorted out. You see, they charged a bill from my bank account, that people with a certain amount of income should not have to pay... well, there had been some sort of mix up and they took almost ALL my money from my bank account: 170 €, which for me is a huuuuge amount of money. Well, I was left with 6 €... for the rest of the month.
I have not paid my bills, bought any christmas foods, drinks or presents. I was so depressed I just kept crying hysterically. And visited the different offices to sort things out, made phone calls... and after 5 miserable days with no money, I got the money back on my bank account! YAYYY!
It's christmas time again! XD Hurraaa! Today I'm gonna buy some yummy foods, some rum and glögg, wine and chocolate and lots and lots of candles. And at night we're gonna have a Torchwood night with Ktiraam, Yayyy! ^_^
... and my viking ♥ is going home today, so I'm gonna see him earliest in a week, maybe next year, sniff. ;_; His birthday is tomorrow, yayyyyy! ♥ But I'm gonna try to enjoy the holidays anyways, with friends and family. ^_^
I had a really big troubled time during last weekend/the beginning of this week, but thank goodness things are now sorted out. You see, they charged a bill from my bank account, that people with a certain amount of income should not have to pay... well, there had been some sort of mix up and they took almost ALL my money from my bank account: 170 €, which for me is a huuuuge amount of money. Well, I was left with 6 €... for the rest of the month.
I have not paid my bills, bought any christmas foods, drinks or presents. I was so depressed I just kept crying hysterically. And visited the different offices to sort things out, made phone calls... and after 5 miserable days with no money, I got the money back on my bank account! YAYYY!
It's christmas time again! XD Hurraaa! Today I'm gonna buy some yummy foods, some rum and glögg, wine and chocolate and lots and lots of candles. And at night we're gonna have a Torchwood night with Ktiraam, Yayyy! ^_^
... and my viking ♥ is going home today, so I'm gonna see him earliest in a week, maybe next year, sniff. ;_; His birthday is tomorrow, yayyyyy! ♥ But I'm gonna try to enjoy the holidays anyways, with friends and family. ^_^
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| Here's my Winter Solstice celebration dude. If you want to see him naked, visit my P & P blog! XD |
Dec 17, 2011
Re-organizing
At the moment my apartment is a MESS! XD I'm re-organizing again. On monday I'm getting a new couch, I got it from a fleemarket for 10 €. I'll take photos here when the room looks okay again. To make room for the couch I had to move my bed, computer table and two bookshelves, one shelf I'm giving away.
It didn't take long to move all the stuff, though it looked like chaos here while I moved them. And I have to empty all the bookshelves, so now ALL my hundreds of books/manga are piled up against the walls. And I can't put them back to the shelves because the big bookshelf has to be drilled to the wall so it wont fall. ^^; Also, I have too many books to put into that one shelf, so... hahaha, I'm in trouble. =3
But it's starting to look really good here, the apartment looks so much wider, there's space to move. My computer table is now closer to the window too, it's fun to look out while sitting here. ^_^ And I put my bed, which was in the middle of the room before, to the alcove in the corner so it doesn't take that much space. But because the bed is HUGE (160x210 cm), it takes all the room in the alcove so I have to climb from the end of the bed into it, there's no room at the sides.
... I love to re-organize. Hehehe. =P And funny thing: I just noticed that I have not bought one single thing as new to my apartment. I've gotten my furniture from dad (bed), mom (computer table, tv, lamp, small tables), sister (tv-table, dvd-cabinet), brother (refrigerator, chair, bookshelf) and fleemarket (bookshelf, dvd-shelf) =D
It didn't take long to move all the stuff, though it looked like chaos here while I moved them. And I have to empty all the bookshelves, so now ALL my hundreds of books/manga are piled up against the walls. And I can't put them back to the shelves because the big bookshelf has to be drilled to the wall so it wont fall. ^^; Also, I have too many books to put into that one shelf, so... hahaha, I'm in trouble. =3
But it's starting to look really good here, the apartment looks so much wider, there's space to move. My computer table is now closer to the window too, it's fun to look out while sitting here. ^_^ And I put my bed, which was in the middle of the room before, to the alcove in the corner so it doesn't take that much space. But because the bed is HUGE (160x210 cm), it takes all the room in the alcove so I have to climb from the end of the bed into it, there's no room at the sides.
... I love to re-organize. Hehehe. =P And funny thing: I just noticed that I have not bought one single thing as new to my apartment. I've gotten my furniture from dad (bed), mom (computer table, tv, lamp, small tables), sister (tv-table, dvd-cabinet), brother (refrigerator, chair, bookshelf) and fleemarket (bookshelf, dvd-shelf) =D
And in other news:
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
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| RIP Christopher Hitchens. (1949-2911) |
Dec 12, 2011
Of hearts and umbrellas
I've had a busy weekend. ^_^ On Friday I got to meet an old dear friend, visiting from Tampere. It was really good to see, it's been tooo long! ^__^
And on Saturday we had our long planned annual Helsinki winter trip with Ktiraam! =D The morning started with rain and wind. I was soaked when I got to the train station, but still, off we went. It was 10.20 when we arrived to Helsinki and an even worse weather waited for us there. We walked to Kukunor (movie/cartoon/poster store) first, it's about 15 minutes away from the train station. It was really windy and raining freezing cold water... and then the wind broke my umbrella. It wasn't worth much anyways, because the wind and rain seemed to come from all around, but at least it had kept my head and face dry. We had to wait for Kukunor to open for 5 more minutes, freezing in the cold water. It seemed like a much longer wait. ^^;
But once Kukunor opened, the rain was forgotten! I found two aaaawesome posters; "Howl's moving castle"-movie poster and "True Blood"-poster with the white background and red red lips. YAYY! I also had to buy a "Sponge Bob Square-pants" umbrella because it was another 15 minutes walk back. We got out to the wind and rain and one red light later my new umbrella was shattered in dozen pieces. I cursed. I felt so mad, but at the same time I felt a little "meh, what ever!"... this was a day that one... well, two broken umbrella's, freezing rain and even more freezing wind would not ruin. XD
We walked to Fennica Comics (comic/manga store), but found nothing interesting (and cheap enough) to buy and went to Kamppi (huge mall) to eat some pizza. The warm food felt sooo good. And sitting in a warm place felt nice too. Soon we had energy to continue our adventure, this time we went off to Fantasiapelit (comic/manga/book store) and Maarit found lots and lots of good manga (yaoi) to buy. From there we walked... again in the rain, to Akateeminen kirjakauppa (Academic bookstore), where I bought one story-collection book edited by George R R Martin and a biography by Stephen Fry. ♥
And then it was time to go to Tennispalatsi (a movie theater) to see Tintin! YAYY! We bought some snacks and drinks on the way and then just sat at the hallway, waiting for the movie to began, talking and reading our books/manga. =D And the movie was aaawesome! ^___^ After it ended, we were so tired that we went straight to the train station, bought some tea/hot chocolate and baguettes and waited for the train to go home.
At home I was so freaking tired I just wanted to sleep, but I just had to put the new posters on the wall before that. They look absolutely wonderful. ^___^
The next morning was less nice.
...Well, it all started on Tuesday already and has been going on since then. My heart has been racing like crazy, insanely fast. I wake up many times during the nights to it and I get these muscle cramps on my arms and chest area. I was so freaking worried about these symptoms that I visited a doctor on Sunday morning. They took an EKG and the doctor examined me: I was having a panic attack.
;_; and the cramps I was having: my muscles are so tight because of the panic attack that I could hardly move.
I was a little ashamed. And a LOT relieved that it wasn't anything serious. I had thought before that it must be just nerves, but who has a panic attack that lasts 5 days?!
Me, apparently. =(
I got strict rules to avoid stress, not do anything stressful, to exercise a lot, to stretch a lot and to rest a lot. And that's all I've been doing since yesterday morning. I've been sleeping for 12 hours/day too, so I guess the stress is finally resolving... in to sleep.
Last night was the first with no heart ache in almost a week. I stretched for an hour before going to sleep and did my relaxation exercises while falling asleep and slept 10 hour straight. OH it felt SO good! ♥ Now if only I could keep myself this relaxed... I have a meeting with the course (from hell!) leader this Wednesday and I am so freaking scared about it, I have no idea how I'm gonna handle it without falling apart completely.
But I'll try. Boy last week was rough. I hope this one will be better. ♥
And on Saturday we had our long planned annual Helsinki winter trip with Ktiraam! =D The morning started with rain and wind. I was soaked when I got to the train station, but still, off we went. It was 10.20 when we arrived to Helsinki and an even worse weather waited for us there. We walked to Kukunor (movie/cartoon/poster store) first, it's about 15 minutes away from the train station. It was really windy and raining freezing cold water... and then the wind broke my umbrella. It wasn't worth much anyways, because the wind and rain seemed to come from all around, but at least it had kept my head and face dry. We had to wait for Kukunor to open for 5 more minutes, freezing in the cold water. It seemed like a much longer wait. ^^;
But once Kukunor opened, the rain was forgotten! I found two aaaawesome posters; "Howl's moving castle"-movie poster and "True Blood"-poster with the white background and red red lips. YAYY! I also had to buy a "Sponge Bob Square-pants" umbrella because it was another 15 minutes walk back. We got out to the wind and rain and one red light later my new umbrella was shattered in dozen pieces. I cursed. I felt so mad, but at the same time I felt a little "meh, what ever!"... this was a day that one... well, two broken umbrella's, freezing rain and even more freezing wind would not ruin. XD
We walked to Fennica Comics (comic/manga store), but found nothing interesting (and cheap enough) to buy and went to Kamppi (huge mall) to eat some pizza. The warm food felt sooo good. And sitting in a warm place felt nice too. Soon we had energy to continue our adventure, this time we went off to Fantasiapelit (comic/manga/book store) and Maarit found lots and lots of good manga (yaoi) to buy. From there we walked... again in the rain, to Akateeminen kirjakauppa (Academic bookstore), where I bought one story-collection book edited by George R R Martin and a biography by Stephen Fry. ♥
And then it was time to go to Tennispalatsi (a movie theater) to see Tintin! YAYY! We bought some snacks and drinks on the way and then just sat at the hallway, waiting for the movie to began, talking and reading our books/manga. =D And the movie was aaawesome! ^___^ After it ended, we were so tired that we went straight to the train station, bought some tea/hot chocolate and baguettes and waited for the train to go home.
At home I was so freaking tired I just wanted to sleep, but I just had to put the new posters on the wall before that. They look absolutely wonderful. ^___^
The next morning was less nice.
...Well, it all started on Tuesday already and has been going on since then. My heart has been racing like crazy, insanely fast. I wake up many times during the nights to it and I get these muscle cramps on my arms and chest area. I was so freaking worried about these symptoms that I visited a doctor on Sunday morning. They took an EKG and the doctor examined me: I was having a panic attack.
;_; and the cramps I was having: my muscles are so tight because of the panic attack that I could hardly move.
I was a little ashamed. And a LOT relieved that it wasn't anything serious. I had thought before that it must be just nerves, but who has a panic attack that lasts 5 days?!
Me, apparently. =(
I got strict rules to avoid stress, not do anything stressful, to exercise a lot, to stretch a lot and to rest a lot. And that's all I've been doing since yesterday morning. I've been sleeping for 12 hours/day too, so I guess the stress is finally resolving... in to sleep.
Last night was the first with no heart ache in almost a week. I stretched for an hour before going to sleep and did my relaxation exercises while falling asleep and slept 10 hour straight. OH it felt SO good! ♥ Now if only I could keep myself this relaxed... I have a meeting with the course (from hell!) leader this Wednesday and I am so freaking scared about it, I have no idea how I'm gonna handle it without falling apart completely.
But I'll try. Boy last week was rough. I hope this one will be better. ♥
Dec 8, 2011
BMI
(BMI= body mass index)
Weight is probably something every single woman (and man) on this planet worries about at some point. And if it's not, you are one of those people who others are just so jealous about. I've been struggling with my weight since I was a teenager... well, from the point when I realized you have to weight a certain amount to be attractive, pretty, healthy and accepted.
Except that it's been over 10 years for me since I actually weight that little. >_> The other times, I've been struggling to get back there. Why the hell people dream the impossible and make themselves miserable doing it?
When I was younger, I used to dance. My body stayed thin and my lifestyle healthy because it had to, to be able to dance. Then I stopped... and I started to gain weight. And then all the problems at home hit me and I did the stupidest thing: I started to eat to my worries. When I felt bad and life was absolutely horrible, so difficult that I wondered how I could go on, food still tasted good.
At this point, I was only 15 years old. =S And looking back at my old photos, I am not even fat, but by the horrible standards of the teenager world, I was, so I was teased at school about it and it just all turned for the worse. Until I decided to loose the weight and fought against the will of my own body, loosing over 20 kilograms (44 lbs). When I was 17, I weight 63 kg (136 lbs)... I've never been so happy about my body.
But of course that didn't last. Two years later I weight 70 kg (154lbs) and since then my weight has been like a roller-coaster going up and down and up again. Never quite reaching the lowest weight though, I've always been over 70 kg since then.
Last spring I started to use a new antidepressant medication and my blood pressure sky rocketed. Instead of changing the meds, the doctor decided, I should eat blood pressure medication (WTF!) and sent me to another doctor. This gentleman did not agree and sent me to see a weight Councillor instead of starting a new medication:
"You need to lose weight before starting a new medication, that's gonna fix the issue."
Have you ever tried to loose weight while fighting depression? Well, now I have. XD And it sucks. I can't say it's easy, when it's difficult at some days to even get out the door. How can you loose weight when you can't even eat normally and then you have to start watching what you eat?
Now at some days I don't eat at all because I'm just too tired to start to fix up something healthy instead of just eating something so I would just eat!
And since I am so worried about my weight and think about it all the time, it's not helping the depression. And since I think about it all the time, I always try to watch what I eat, so all the things that I'm not supposed to eat are in my mind and all I really want is just some fucking chocolate to make me feel better. URGH!
I got little help when I changed my medication a few months ago: not because the doctor came to her senses, but because I told them that I HAD to change it. And the blood pressure went back to normal right away. DUH!
But still this is the biggest problem: Every time I go to a doctor, they say: you are OBESE. Not overweight, obese. My BMI is 31. I look into a mirror and see a slightly plump, curvy woman. I hear a doctor tell me I'm obese and I shatter inside.
But fortunately I've been doing some studies about BMI and found out that in most of the cases, it SUCKS! Yes, it tells you your body mass index, but if you're a body builder or an athlete and in the shape of your life, you're possibly obese too, because muscles are heavy as fuck. =P
The world is too freaking concentrated on making everyone look the same, weight the same and want the same things. And I kind of like myself the way I am. And that seems to be an issue. Just yesterday my boyfriend hugged me in front of the mirror, running his hands down my body and I felt so beautiful. I did not feel obese. I did not feel like I should lose a few bounds. I felt good.
So... I exercise, I walk every day, I go to gym. I find clothes that fit me. My friends like me the way I am. My boyfriend likes me the way I am. I LIKE me the way I am. So why the fuck should I believe some stupid BMI?
Weight is probably something every single woman (and man) on this planet worries about at some point. And if it's not, you are one of those people who others are just so jealous about. I've been struggling with my weight since I was a teenager... well, from the point when I realized you have to weight a certain amount to be attractive, pretty, healthy and accepted.
Except that it's been over 10 years for me since I actually weight that little. >_> The other times, I've been struggling to get back there. Why the hell people dream the impossible and make themselves miserable doing it?
When I was younger, I used to dance. My body stayed thin and my lifestyle healthy because it had to, to be able to dance. Then I stopped... and I started to gain weight. And then all the problems at home hit me and I did the stupidest thing: I started to eat to my worries. When I felt bad and life was absolutely horrible, so difficult that I wondered how I could go on, food still tasted good.
At this point, I was only 15 years old. =S And looking back at my old photos, I am not even fat, but by the horrible standards of the teenager world, I was, so I was teased at school about it and it just all turned for the worse. Until I decided to loose the weight and fought against the will of my own body, loosing over 20 kilograms (44 lbs). When I was 17, I weight 63 kg (136 lbs)... I've never been so happy about my body.
But of course that didn't last. Two years later I weight 70 kg (154lbs) and since then my weight has been like a roller-coaster going up and down and up again. Never quite reaching the lowest weight though, I've always been over 70 kg since then.
Last spring I started to use a new antidepressant medication and my blood pressure sky rocketed. Instead of changing the meds, the doctor decided, I should eat blood pressure medication (WTF!) and sent me to another doctor. This gentleman did not agree and sent me to see a weight Councillor instead of starting a new medication:
"You need to lose weight before starting a new medication, that's gonna fix the issue."
Have you ever tried to loose weight while fighting depression? Well, now I have. XD And it sucks. I can't say it's easy, when it's difficult at some days to even get out the door. How can you loose weight when you can't even eat normally and then you have to start watching what you eat?
Now at some days I don't eat at all because I'm just too tired to start to fix up something healthy instead of just eating something so I would just eat!
And since I am so worried about my weight and think about it all the time, it's not helping the depression. And since I think about it all the time, I always try to watch what I eat, so all the things that I'm not supposed to eat are in my mind and all I really want is just some fucking chocolate to make me feel better. URGH!
I got little help when I changed my medication a few months ago: not because the doctor came to her senses, but because I told them that I HAD to change it. And the blood pressure went back to normal right away. DUH!
But still this is the biggest problem: Every time I go to a doctor, they say: you are OBESE. Not overweight, obese. My BMI is 31. I look into a mirror and see a slightly plump, curvy woman. I hear a doctor tell me I'm obese and I shatter inside.
But fortunately I've been doing some studies about BMI and found out that in most of the cases, it SUCKS! Yes, it tells you your body mass index, but if you're a body builder or an athlete and in the shape of your life, you're possibly obese too, because muscles are heavy as fuck. =P
The world is too freaking concentrated on making everyone look the same, weight the same and want the same things. And I kind of like myself the way I am. And that seems to be an issue. Just yesterday my boyfriend hugged me in front of the mirror, running his hands down my body and I felt so beautiful. I did not feel obese. I did not feel like I should lose a few bounds. I felt good.
So... I exercise, I walk every day, I go to gym. I find clothes that fit me. My friends like me the way I am. My boyfriend likes me the way I am. I LIKE me the way I am. So why the fuck should I believe some stupid BMI?
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| By the standards of today, all these beautiful ladies are overweight. What bullshit! |
Dec 4, 2011
December top 10
I have a lot of serious subjects in mind to write on the blog, but for now, I just wanna relax and have some fun. My friend Serenity had a blog post about her favourite top 10 December stuffs and I think I need to make a list too, teehehehe. =P
This is gonna be slightly different, because I don't really celebrate the traditional kind of christmas (since I don't believe in god and that stuff), but still, there's yule, winter solstice and all those fun non-religion celebrations, so I celebrate my own kind of... thing. I don't mean just the one day as I talk about christmas here, to me that holiday is the whole last week of December. ^_^
Here's my December top #10
#1: Glögg (with rum)
It's yum! =P Haha. Especially with almonds and raisins. And as a plus side, it keeps you warm. And it's really yum. And it makes me remember the feeling I used to have when I was a kid and it was christmas. ^__^
#2: Knitting
It cold outside, you need mittens, woolen socks, big wool sweaters, blankets... and you can knit them yourself. And it's really fun to watch a good movie and knit. =D
#3: Books
Curling under the blanket into your warm bed with a good book on a cold winter day, ahhh, I love it. I always try to stack as much books as I can into my reading list during winter. I love reading. ^__^
#4: Disney & other (cartoon) movies
It's cold and dark outside, you put on a good movie and relax. And get happy, because some movies are just made of pure awesomeness and stuff! =D
#5: Irish coffee
1 part whiskey, 2-4 parts coffee, 2-3 spoons of brown sugar & lots of fresh/whipped cream. YUMMM! ♥ Warming, refreshing goodness.
#6: Sunny days
The winter sun is so freaking pretty. It's so cold and... rare! It's almost always dark here. And cold. But when it's sunny, you have to go out and just enjoy, it feels like a miracle every time. ^__^
#7: Christmas music
Okay, I don't celebrate christmas and I feel sick and tired of the buying frenzy people go into when it's this time of the year, but I love the soft, calm christmas music. It (too) takes me back to my childhood and just... relaxes. ^_^ (my favourite song is Heinillä härkien kaukalon, which is a religious song, but I don't care (I just ignore the words), I looove it either way, it is a song of christmas! XD)
#8: Family
Christmas/yule is a time to spend with family. And that is how I love to spend it. Of course there's not time to see everyone on christmas/yule, so I try to see everyone during December and to just spend some time together. ^_^
#9: Snow
White christmas/yule is... wäääh, something we might lack this year. Though the snow has come every year before christmas/yule, but I really hope we get snow before that this year too. I miss snow. It makes everything brighter. It's so so dark out now with no snow. =S
#10: Christmas/yule trip to Helsinki
With Ktiraam! It's a tradition already! This is, if I counted right, the 5th time we've done this trip! =D And it's the one day when we don't worry about anything, we just relax and shop and have so much fun! We visit all our favourite stores, look at manga and books and eat at our favourite places. It's a day that starts the holiday season for me... plus I buy all my own presents from that trip so it is like christmas, teehee! ♥ ^_^
This is gonna be slightly different, because I don't really celebrate the traditional kind of christmas (since I don't believe in god and that stuff), but still, there's yule, winter solstice and all those fun non-religion celebrations, so I celebrate my own kind of... thing. I don't mean just the one day as I talk about christmas here, to me that holiday is the whole last week of December. ^_^
Here's my December top #10
#1: Glögg (with rum)
It's yum! =P Haha. Especially with almonds and raisins. And as a plus side, it keeps you warm. And it's really yum. And it makes me remember the feeling I used to have when I was a kid and it was christmas. ^__^
#2: Knitting
It cold outside, you need mittens, woolen socks, big wool sweaters, blankets... and you can knit them yourself. And it's really fun to watch a good movie and knit. =D
#3: Books
Curling under the blanket into your warm bed with a good book on a cold winter day, ahhh, I love it. I always try to stack as much books as I can into my reading list during winter. I love reading. ^__^
#4: Disney & other (cartoon) movies
It's cold and dark outside, you put on a good movie and relax. And get happy, because some movies are just made of pure awesomeness and stuff! =D
#5: Irish coffee
1 part whiskey, 2-4 parts coffee, 2-3 spoons of brown sugar & lots of fresh/whipped cream. YUMMM! ♥ Warming, refreshing goodness.
#6: Sunny days
The winter sun is so freaking pretty. It's so cold and... rare! It's almost always dark here. And cold. But when it's sunny, you have to go out and just enjoy, it feels like a miracle every time. ^__^
#7: Christmas music
Okay, I don't celebrate christmas and I feel sick and tired of the buying frenzy people go into when it's this time of the year, but I love the soft, calm christmas music. It (too) takes me back to my childhood and just... relaxes. ^_^ (my favourite song is Heinillä härkien kaukalon, which is a religious song, but I don't care (I just ignore the words), I looove it either way, it is a song of christmas! XD)
#8: Family
Christmas/yule is a time to spend with family. And that is how I love to spend it. Of course there's not time to see everyone on christmas/yule, so I try to see everyone during December and to just spend some time together. ^_^
#9: Snow
White christmas/yule is... wäääh, something we might lack this year. Though the snow has come every year before christmas/yule, but I really hope we get snow before that this year too. I miss snow. It makes everything brighter. It's so so dark out now with no snow. =S
#10: Christmas/yule trip to Helsinki
With Ktiraam! It's a tradition already! This is, if I counted right, the 5th time we've done this trip! =D And it's the one day when we don't worry about anything, we just relax and shop and have so much fun! We visit all our favourite stores, look at manga and books and eat at our favourite places. It's a day that starts the holiday season for me... plus I buy all my own presents from that trip so it is like christmas, teehee! ♥ ^_^
Dec 2, 2011
Shopping
(the real post of the day, löl)
We Finns got our tax returns today (the money left over when you pay too much taxes...) and of course that means that after weeks of being broke, I spent my day out in the town, buying stuff that I really needed. ^^;
I bought two bra's (black sort of sporty kind and dark red with lace), mom bought me a shirt with a text "Dream on" with rainbow lettering on it and I bought a new mooncup. =D I have a mooncup, but it's the size 2, and apparently my "tunnels" are too short for it because even without the antenna, the cup is sticking out. So, the new one is size 1, and it's peeeerfect! ♥ (though I have to cut the antenna away again, I just find it irritating =P).
I also got a package from the other side of the planet, from my friend Dawn! SQUEAL! She had made me these absolutely beautiful earrings with origami, oooo, they were so awesome! ♥ And I got this fun red t-shirt saying "Santa did you get my text?" XD
And Underworld Evolution DVD! KYAAAAAAH!
Awesome, wonderful presents! Made my morning, definitely!
... the postman had to ring my doorbell because the package was so large and I opened the door, wearing just a top and pink panties, ahahahaha! XD
This weekend I'm just gonna chill and move/exercise a lot, next weekend me and Ktiraam are going to our annual Helsinki Xmas trip! YAYYYY! I cannot wait! YAYYYY! =D =D =D
Oh yeah, I organized a little photoshoot one day, I was so boooored. Here are a few takes. =P
We Finns got our tax returns today (the money left over when you pay too much taxes...) and of course that means that after weeks of being broke, I spent my day out in the town, buying stuff that I really needed. ^^;
I bought two bra's (black sort of sporty kind and dark red with lace), mom bought me a shirt with a text "Dream on" with rainbow lettering on it and I bought a new mooncup. =D I have a mooncup, but it's the size 2, and apparently my "tunnels" are too short for it because even without the antenna, the cup is sticking out. So, the new one is size 1, and it's peeeerfect! ♥ (though I have to cut the antenna away again, I just find it irritating =P).
I also got a package from the other side of the planet, from my friend Dawn! SQUEAL! She had made me these absolutely beautiful earrings with origami, oooo, they were so awesome! ♥ And I got this fun red t-shirt saying "Santa did you get my text?" XD
And Underworld Evolution DVD! KYAAAAAAH!
Awesome, wonderful presents! Made my morning, definitely!
... the postman had to ring my doorbell because the package was so large and I opened the door, wearing just a top and pink panties, ahahahaha! XD
This weekend I'm just gonna chill and move/exercise a lot, next weekend me and Ktiraam are going to our annual Helsinki Xmas trip! YAYYYY! I cannot wait! YAYYYY! =D =D =D
Oh yeah, I organized a little photoshoot one day, I was so boooored. Here are a few takes. =P
 |
| Me and my Luis Royo posters (showing some thigh, eeeek! X3) |
 |
| My hair actually looks like... well, it looks like I have hair! WOAH! But then again, the look on my face, wtf? X3 |
Female genital mutilation
I had this other blog, which I never used, that I was gonna use for these more serious entries about issues that I find very important to bring up. But I only wrote this one entry on that blog and... well, it died. I still want to write these "issue" entries, but I decided I can just as well write them here, since this blog is about my interests and these issues I feel are important. So here's the first. Rough subject, but important.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Female Genital Mutilation (FGM), also called Female Circumcision, is a cultural procedure, where female genitals are cut either completely or partly away. This is done to girls 0-15 years old, before puberty. It is considered an important rite of passage from a girl to a woman. There are no medical reasons or health benefits why this procedure is done.
There are three major types of Female Genital Mutilation.
In Clitoridectomy, also called "sunna mutilation", only the clitoris is removed.
Excision is the removal of the clitoris and scraping off the inner lips (labia minora). The outer lips (labia majora) are often kept uncut but may be cut away too.
In infibulation the outer and/or inner lips are cut and repositioned to create a covering seal for the vaginal opening. In this case clitoris is not always removed because it is sealed inside the skin. All that is left of the female genitalia, is a small hole, the size of the top of the pinkie. This allows urine and menstrual blood to pass. (Pictures) In this case the woman has to be cut open again for intercourse and childbirth and often sealed shut again, sometimes several times.
The prodecure is often done in very unhygienic circumstances where the girl has a high risk of infection and heavy bleeding and no help near if something goes wrong. The procedure is usually done with a blunt razor blade, scissors or a piece of glass and no disinfectants. It is considered highly shameful to show any sign of fear or pain during the prodecure, even when it's done without any local anaesthesia.
After the excruciatingly painful operation is over, the wound is sewn shut and the girls legs are tied together so the stitches wont rip. The stitches are often thorns, catgut or thread. Urinating after the cutting is so painful that the girl often looses her consciousness. It is also common that the stitches might rip during urinating or while sleeping and the girl has to be sewn again, which starts the whole process of healing from the very beginning.
FGM has been a custom for much longer than any religion of today has been around. Still FGM is often associated with Islam, though the Quran has nothing to say about it and it is practised in countries of several different religions. Still some religious leaders recommend or even command women's genitals to be cut.
In several cultures women are considered impure and unfit to marry if they are not cut. The female genitalia is considered unsightly and dirty without being cut. It is believed that if genitals are not cut, they keep growing until they dangle between ones knees. Women are believed to have a crazed, uncontrollable sex-drive that makes them cheat on their husbands and to sleep with everyone, if not cut. Uncut women are also believed to masturbate constantly and turn lesbian.
In reality FGM causes irreversible life-long health risks and creates unnecessary dangers in child birth. Intercourse is not sexually enjoyable for cut woman, but can be extremely painful. Even urinating and cleaning oneself is uncomfortable, slow and painful.
Female Genital Mutilation is still happening all across the world. It is counted that over 6000 women and girls are still being cut daily. Though whole governments, different health programs and educational agenda's are fighting against the tradition and the support for FGM is slowly dropping. There are countries and areas where FGM has been stopped completely.
The education of women is an important step on ending FGM. Helping people to understand how FGM does not actually help or prevent anything, but only harms women physically and mentally. It is important to make people realize that it does not help make the lives of women any better.
~ ~ ~
More about Female Genital Mutilation:
Books:
Movies & Documentaries:
The cut (Downloadable for free)
WWW:
Dec 1, 2011
Mind and body
"Because the illness or disease that is depression cannot be seen,
some people may view it as weakness or laziness.
There is no point treating a depressed person
as though she were just feeling sad, saying,
'There now, hang on, you'll get over it.'
Sadness is more or less like a head cold-
with patience, it passes. Depression is a real and
common illness, like heart disease, diabetes, or arthritis."
I have a depression. I've had it since 2008. It's an illness like heart disease, diabetes or arthritis. And still, a lot of people treat people with depression like they're just lazy... or the opposite; completely mad, just about to flip out, crazy.
Neither of these is fun. It would be great if people could treat you normally, but still take it to concern that you are not well. You have restrictions, you have problems, you have issues. You can't do everything others can do. But you're still not handicapped.
"You'll feel better tomorrow"
"Oh come on, cheer up, life is wonderful"
"Don't you feel better already"
"Don't be so sad"
It's kind of a bad thing that a lot of people use the phrase "I'm so depressed" to tell how down they are. Real depression is not something you can just shake off and be well. This tells a lot about depression:
Depression medication is almost compulsory for a depressed person, because when the depression is really bad, you are completely unable to function without medication. And when you start to take the meds, it takes 2-4 weeks before it starts to affect fully. And you have to eat the meds at least 6 months, preferably 2 years. If you stop all of sudden, your depression comes back with a vengeance.
A lot of people get depression one time or another in their lives. And most often after that they understand the other people with depression better than before. But there are still those, who think that depression is just for the weak. If you are depressed, you are just weak and lazy. =(
~
I was in school when I got depression. I had worked/gone to school/done my graduation work for 9 months without even one free weekend. And before that I had gone trough a rough break-up after a years long relationship. And when it all fell down, I came down so bad, that I was a wreck. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, had constant panic attacks and cried hysterically and could not stop shaking!
I returned to school 11 months later. I could come to class a few times a week for an hour or two. And sometimes I still got such bad panic attacks that I had to leave. I fought my way through school (the last 20 student points that students usually get in 3 months time, took me 3 years (27 months), several meetings with teachers and lots and LOTS of negotiations and help) and graduated as a media-technology engineer last spring.
After that I've been... drifting. It's a two sided thing. At one side it was such a massive relief to finally graduate (a 4 year school took me 8 years), but at the same time, now I have no goal in life. I don't know what I want... well, I do:
I WANT TO GET WELL!
But then, work, life, family... I don't know. Or better yet: I don't know HOW to get there. It takes so long, it's so slow.
The first year of my depression I was just waiting to get better, trying to go back to school, trying to do all the things I did before I got sick, and failing and failing. All the things I used to enjoy were suddenly impossible to do. And finally I realized that it doesn't work like that. I'm not gonna bet better in a week, month, year.
And it's f*cking frightening. I don't wanna be like this! I want to enjoy life, I don't want to cry every day. I don't want to struggle with everyday thing, I want to have enough energy to do something smart every day, not just once a week. I don't want to feel exhausted all the time, I want my good memory back...
But this is how it is. We all have problems, this is mine. I've learnt to live with it, though I still cannot accept it every day. I try to struggle forward and every new thing I can do, every good day, gives me hope. ♥
Because the first year of depression; I had no good days. After that I had one good day a week, then two days, then three. Now every other day is good. So I know I am getting there, slowly, but surely. At least I can say that I am damn strong, no matter what some people think, this illness takes a lot of strength to fight.
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