I've been watching scifi series lately. I haven't been that interested in scifi before, but now... I don't know why, I'm thrilled! =D It started last year, when Ktiraam recommended Primeval for me. I started watching it, mostly out of boredom, but soon I had seen the whole series! XD
Next came Torchwood, which has been a big favourite for a long time, but we've been rewatching it with Ktiraam (she's the one who's got me hooked on scifi! ;D). After that came Dresden Files, because I've been reading the books and of course had to see the series too. And then it was Terra Nova's turn. That series has some problems, but it's still a great watch! I hope they'll make more than one season, 12 episodes is not enough. It was really weird to see that bad guy from Avatar being so damn cool, but he's my favourite character in the series.
And now for two days I've been watching Sanctuary. And it's great too! After I have that watched, I still have Stargate Atlantis and Firefly on my watch list. Do you have any more recommendations? I'm really new to this theme, so all I've really seen is the original Stargåte... which I loved too. =P (I tried Stargate Universe, but that one was wayyy too depressing for my taste)
Oh and Doctor Who, thanks to my friend Penpen! ♥
Then to babies: Yesterday was the first birthday of my (step)sisters daughter Emilia. And once again I took about 200 photos of her. It was a fun day and I'd love to show photos of her here, but internet is not a safe place for a one year old kid, so I'll guard her privacy. ♥
But, I do have a few photos to show.
I reorganized my apartment a few months ago (was it that long ago) and wanted to take some photos of the new stuff. This is the alcove, my bed is below the photo. I just love it how it looks now: simplistic but stylish. (Royo ♥)
Emilia's 1st birthday cake, a moomin. The cake is made by my stepsister Kaisu! =D
View from my dad's balcony to the snowy city. The skijump towers are there... and the pretty sunset. The sun sets at about 4-5 in the winter so it's not as late as it looks.
Another photo of the same view. The colours are so beautiful, it's the "blue moment."
It's been really Really winter'y here lately. And this week it's gonna get freeeeeeezing! I'm already wearing my warmest winter-jacket (a huge featherjacket) and it's gonna get about 10 degrees colder... how am I gonna survive? HAHA! ^^;
This weeks temperatures will hit -20 to -27 celsius... that's -4 to -17 Fahrenheit. Brrrrrrrrrrr. And of course with this cold cold weather everyone's having a flu. I'm fighting it but my head is just so damn stuffy, yuk! XD
Oh yeah, then there's this:
Pekka Haavisto for president! Pekka is the best, kakkonen on ykkönen. ♥
Sundays are usually the most horrible days. Nothing to do, the whole week to wait for another weekend, nothing good on TV... and so on.
But today was different. We had the first round of the presidential election here in Finland and it was a TOUGH fight! But my favourite Pekka Haavisto got on the second round, HURRAAA! ^__^
Happiness happiness!
But I know politics are not that interesting for everyone so let's leave that at that. =P I've also been knitting like a madwoman. During a few weeks or so I've made a knitted cloak, mittens, socks, wrist warmers and two pairs of legwarmers. I am going to take photos of them when I get the legwarmers I'm knitting now done... and when someone agrees to take photos of me wearing them, eheheee *^_^*
I've been a little worried about the fact that 1) I haven't had much energy lately. I'm so tired all the time. 2) It's been too long since I cleaned up the apartment, the kitchen is starting to smell because I haven't done the dishes in a few weeks 3) I haven't drawn Anything for over a week now. =(
But here's something "new" (a few weeks old) to see while I try to come up with something new. If I even got any idea of what to draw, ugh!
Shaya, my vampire girl... in a leather suit. XD
4) My "restless legs" are keeping me awake more and more and I don't know how to make them better again. I got some advises from friends but so far none of the advises have worked. =/ The legs have been nuts lately (especially in the middle of the night, waking me up and making it impossible to sleep) and I don't know why. I'm trying to eat better and drink more water, next week I'm gonna try if very hard exercise is gonna make the difference (for better or for worse, don't know yet). 5) I have to take care of some paperwork... and I need to clean the apartment. And I don't know where I'll find the energy.
Maybe it's because my period finally started. I feel down and fat and ugly and that doesn't make me very energetic. X3 I started using the new pills (progestogen-only pills), OH how I wish these would work, third try, and I don't want to start again! =S
It's been quite a while since I did a bigger photo-post. This is because I've been trouble taking good photos with my good camera because it's so freaking dark here in Finland at winter. But I kind of gave up and took my little old camera and started snapping. I'll have to practice using the big camera too, but it's so... big to drag around. XD
Happy new year 2012! Fireworks from my dad's buildings roof. =)
Making the new-years-spells. XD
My bookshelve with my all-time-favourite books, my fairies and venetian mask... and my dvd-shelve with my favourite movies. And on the wall the incredibly awesome calendar by Nathie. ♥ (ordered from DeviantArt)
My "breakfast", haha! XD
Winter wonderland. The snow finally came ... and came and came and still has no stopped coming. XD
More wintery town views. ^_^
And more. I love this one's lighting ^__^
Meeting my idol, the presidential candidate Pekka Haavisto, KYAAAH!
There were 3 donkey's, a ram and a german shepherd at the marketplace. :O The white one was reallly angry! XD
All of them were just roaming there around, free! :D
They were really tame. "Hello there" XD
The angggry one. ;P (she tried to kick the dog! :O)
So I'm breaking my own rule again and talking about politics (I kind of decided when I started this blog that I would try to avoid politics, but oh well)... this is a subject that some people don't find that interesting, but I find if important to write about this.
There is a presidential election going on in Finland. The candidates:
- Pekka Haavisto (liberal, green league-party, gay, living in civil union with his husband, diplomat)
- Timo Soini (very conservative, against immigration and gay rights, true finns-party (leader), married)
- Paavo Väyrynen (rather conservative, centre-party, married)
- Paavo Lipponen (liberal, social democratic party, married, former prime minister)
- Sauli Niinistö (national coalition party, married)
- Sari Essayah (very conservative, christian democrat party, married)
- Eva Biaudet (Swedish people's party(swedish is the second language of Finland), married)
- Paavo Arhinmäki (liberal, left alliance-party, just married (a few days ago)
Sauli Niinistö is probably going to win, because he's a known politician and he doesn't "piss people off", he's kind of neutral. I wish Pekka Haavisto would win, he would be a perfect president, but there are so many homophobes still in Finland who say that they "would vote for him if he weren't gay."
It has never bothered his work as a diplomat, even when visiting very conservative or religious countries, he does his work well and that's the main thing. ♥
I just actually wish that the candidate Timo Soini will not win, that would be freakishly scary! He's racist and homophobic, against abortion and very religious. His party, True Finns have wreaked havoc in Finland since they won the parliament election last year, the party members have said (as an exaple) that all black people would be better off dead, that Finland should turn all immigrants away, that all gays should move away from Finland and that the president should be shot.
And these people ruling the country? Oh hell no!!!
Many Finns are writing blogs and posting videos to support their candidates (and to get people to even vote!) and this is my contribution. My vote goes... well, went already, since I voted today, to Pekka Haavisto!
♥ Pekka Haavisto with his husband Nexar Antonio Flores. ♥
Äänestäkää Suomalaiset, vain sillä tavalla voitte vaikuttaa tulevaisuuteenne. ^__^
I've been listening to tons of "atheism vs religion" debates on Youtube this past week or so. And I'm really stunned by one thing the believing people say about atheism: If there is no god, there is no reason for morals.
As I've told before, I'm an atheist. I don't believe in a higher power, or that there would be a creator who made the earth and people... and so on. But I still see myself a person with morals. I know I should not steal, hurt others, cheat or murder people. The belief that you need god to have morals is just weird. It makes it sound like people have no free will.
And if you study criminals, most of those people are persons of some religion or another, and still they do horrible crimes. And then there are doctors and other people, who help others, and they are atheists. Atheism doesn't change the fact that you still have to obey laws. And have morals. And really, it makes life even more precious, because atheists know this is it, this is the only life we have and there's nothing after it. You have to enjoy and love and do as much as you can. And to have a good life, it's much better to be good to others too and receive goodness from them. ^_^
This doesn't make it impossible for atheists to be wonderful artists either. You can compose amazing music, paint paintings or write fantasy without believing in a god. I love to read fantasy books about elves, dragons and trolls and I don't need a god for that. Nobody can take away people's imagination, and everything is possible in a persons mind. It doesn't have to be true to be wonderful... well, not in this world. ;D
The year 2012 has been wooonderful so far! ♥
My new years was the best ever, I was with friends, family and my Viking. He finally met my dad, brother, stepmom and brothers wife. And bunch of very good friends. ^____^
~ ~ ~
Then something that... makes things complicated.
You know how you can't do something, and at that precise moment everyone asks of you to do exactly that thing?
I'll explain: I am still not well (as I've told here before). The course last fall made me fall into another deep dark hole. And the problems with my medication are taking a toll on my health. And when you are suffering from anxiety disorder, it doesn't just go away.
This is now easy to understand... for me.
But for months I've been getting job offers, art commission requests that I have to refuse. And then people ask: Why are you refusing? You are always complaining how little money you have?
I refuse because I can't handle the responsibility. I get depressed and panic if I know I have to do something. (And I don't mean I get a little down, but that I burst out crying hysterically and am unable to function at all, I can't even get up from the bed.) And I've so far left undone gifts for my friends that they've asked of me, things that I've promised and one art commission that I was supposed to do 4 years ago. =( And it makes me feel so ashamed and bad to admit to people that I can't do them, I just can't.
...Not because I would be ashamed of my condition, but because people don't believe. They don't understand.
"You can easily go to work, have a job and be depressed. You can rest when you're off work"
No, you can't. I've been getting better, I can now keep my apartment clean and exercise weekly, I've even started to wear make-again (sometimes) and put on my earrings... these seem like little things, but when a person has a bad depression, they are things they are unable to do. But there are still bad days when I just lay in bed and cry, unable to even cook or get dressed.
...I am probably going to get some sort of work-practice place this year, but that will only be for two days a week for 4 hours a day. And even that makes me anxious because what if the work day is on a bad day? You can't cry trough your whole workday? You can't run out when things get too much. My dad keeps asking me if I've gotten a job already, even when he knows about the depression.
"You were out of school for 9 months because of depression, but that was 3 years ago! You're okay now, that was a long time ago, you've had time to get well."
Well, no. That's what you wish for, but that's not how it always goes. When I got into treatment 3 years ago, I went there for the 9 months I was off from school, then they let me go. And the depression didn't just magically vanish, it got worse. But I had no place to go to talk about it. It took me over 1,5 years to get back to treatment and get a psychiatrists appointment, because there's a line for it.
And when I started going there again, they categorized my condition as an "untreated" depression. And THIS is why I'm still feeling the way I am. It got chronic. That's why I'm depressed, anxious and not able to go to work.
But how in the hell do you explain this to people who are used to others getting breakdowns and being off from work for a few months and then feeling brand new and shiny and healthy?
The year 2011 is past and over. It's time to do this little sum up. Feel free to copy if you feel like it. =) HAPPY YEAR 2012, may this be a better, happier and more fun year than the last one was. ^___^
1) What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
I graduated from College, went on a therapy course, learnt helluvalot of the world, religions, history, physics, science... and many little things. =)
2) Did you keep your New Year Resolutions?
I don't remember making any. If I did, it must have been about my health and I feel I've improved that: mental health is getting better (or at least more clear where the problem is), I've lost weight and been exercising. ^_^
3) Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, more of my friends became mothers/fathers. And my stepsister gave birth to a beautiful, wonderful little girl Emilia. ♥
4) Did anyone close to you die?
Thank goodness not. ♥ Christopher Hitchens was a great loss.
5)What countries did you visit?
I visited Sweden; Stockholm twice, in the spring and in the fall. Both trips were wonderful. ^_^
6) What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
More health, more exercise, more weight-loss, more happiness, more viking, more friends, more social life, more learning, more books, more good movies, even a little bit of work maybe.
7)What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
29th January - Emilia was born
31th May - I graduated as a media technology engineer
4th July - Gay Pride
8) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating, finally! ♥ It took 7 years, haha! XD
9) What was your biggest failure?
Getting into a worse shape in the mental apartment... and not losing more weight. =P
10) Did you suffer illness of injury?
Well, the last answer sort of answers this one too... and there was the mess with the medication too. ^^;
11)What was the best thing you bought?
My new computer, I looove it! ^___^
(AMD Athlon 64 X2 Dual Core Processor 6000+, 3.00 GHz, 4.00 GB RAM, 64-bit Operating system, Win 7)
12)Where did most of your money go?
Bills, food, rent... and books, lots of good books. And some movies. ^_^
13) What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- Gay pride
- My new camera
- Movies: the Last Potter, Transformers 3 (which wasn't that good after all), Thor, Real Steel, Tintin...
- Various trips to Helsinki and Stockholm
- Game of Thrones series
- Many books
14)What song will always remind you of 2011?
Game of Thrones opening. (It's also my ringtone in my phone)
15) Compared to this time last year, are you...?
happier or sadder- Happier!
older or wiser- Both, definitely.
thinner or fatter- Thinner. ^_^
richer or poorer- The same.
16) What do you wish you'd done more of?
Seen my friends, I miss them a lot. ♥
17) What do you wish you had done less of?
Panicking, being anxious, crying!
18) How did you spend Christmas?
With my family.
19) Did you fall in love in 2011?
Well, I sort of was that way when the year started so no ;D but then again, the feeling is getting stronger so yes. XD
20) What was your favorite TV program?
1) Game of thrones!
2) True Blood & Deadwood
3) Big Bang Theory & Primeval
21) What new did you learn in 2011?
I became a skeptic. I read tons of books about science, history, religion, evolution... and learnt so much that I have to write a completely new post about that stuff. ^_^ I learnt that a lot of things I've considered smart are in fact total bull. And learnt things I couldn't even dream of about the world around us, nothing otherwordly, just things that people don't think about but that are, in fact, incredible. ^_^
22) What was the best book you read?
Best... one? ONE? I can't choose one. :O Best ones though:
- Nomad - Ayaan Hirsi Ali
- Letting go of god - Julia Sweeney
- Why people believe in strange things - Michael Shermer
- 3096 days - Natascha Kambusch
- End of manners - Francesca Marciano
I also read all the Lily Bard Mysteries books (5), Aurora Teagarden Mysteries (8), Anita Blake vampire hunter books 1-11 and Harper Connelly Series (4) and some one-book books.
And I also re-read the Song of ice and fire books (4 first ones), Drizzt's adventures 1-4, Sookie Stackhouse books (12 books), Smoke and shadows books (3 books), Harry Potters (7 books), Liquor series (Poppy Z Brite)(3 books books), Nightrunner series (5 books), and Vampire Chronicles 1-2 and Blackwood farm.
23) What was your greatest musical discovery?
The year 2011 was a really poor year when it comes to music for me. I didn't really find any new music, listened to very little and my playlist consists of music I've been listening to for years. What I listen to when I have time: Audiobooks. ♥
24) What did you want and get?
I didn't even know how to wish for it but got and am in love with: my digital system camera! ^____^
+ tons of books and movies.
25) What did you want and not get?
Get healthy. ^^;
26) What as your favorite film of the year?
Harry Potter and the deathly Hallows part 2. ♥ (+ Black Swan, Thor, Tangled...)
27) What did you do on your birthday? How old were you?
I went to a dinner with my friends to a really fancy restaurant El Toro. Turned 31. ^_^
28) What kept you sane?
(Well, I'm not really sane, LOL, but in all reality:) Family, friends, books, drawing, taking photos, internet, my viking, my psychiatrist, the medication, sun, summer... ^_^
29) Tell a life lesson you learned.
There is SO much to learn, never think you know enough, keep on studying, reading, learning, the world is such an awesome, huge, wonderful place full of miracles. ^_^
30) What song lyric sums up your year?
Music, oh no, music cannot describe the year 2011 for me. But this can:
