How... argh, again

Sorry, this is gonna be a pretty negative entry. I have to get this out somewhere.

So, I had to change my meds 1,5 weeks ago. The new meds say that it takes 6 weeks for them to fully kick in, until then they can make you feel more anxious than normally.

So... for 1,5 weeks I've been more awake than in a long time. The meds keep me awake for 16 hours straight. I have to take them at 8 am or I won't be able to fall asleep at night. And I kinda felt good for the first week, better than with virtually no meds. But then the ANXIETY.

It's horrible, it's not normal. I don't feel this everlasting depression anymore, I feel really happy. And that's when it kicks in. One sentence, one word even, can set it off, and I'm crying, I feel like my life is ending. Nothing is ever gonna work. My life is horrible, I'm a failure. I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to see anyone, but at the same time I feel so completely and utterly alone that it feels just so horrible.

"If you are depressed, you might sometimes get self-destructive or suicidal thoughts. 

These ideas can increase when you start taking antidepressant drug, 

it will take some time before these drugs work, usually two weeks but sometimes longer."

Oh gods... when it feels like this, I don't know how I can manage... anything. I just want to give up. There's nothing for me in this world. I feel completely useless, ugly and horrible.
And I KNOW this is not me! I know it's the meds, because I never feel like this, this is not how I am! But it doesn't help when you're drowning into this feeling of utter helplessness sadness.

Why the fuck can I never get anything happening to me so that things would actually go well?!!
I don't know if me and my viking will last. He's having some rough times too. And he says that he's feeling really numb, he doesn't know what's gonna happen. He might go to his hometown for the entire summer.
I'll be completely alone.
Yeah... this just sucks.

Everything.
4,5 weeks to go. With no guarantee that I'm gonna feel any better after that time.
And this was supposed to be a great summer. So far it's looking to be the worst ever. =(