Heartbroken

So... I said goodbye my viking. =(

We broke up as friends. Until the last moment we were hugging. And as we said goodbye we kissed for the last time. I am so heartbroken, but it couldn't be.

I wanted so much more than he could offer. He never lied about it, we just never brought it up, we lived in the moment and just tried not to think about the future.

But in the end I couldn't live like that anymore. We had a long talk about everything. He didn't want commitment, I couldn't be without it. I think I loved him... no, I know I did... do. (Unfortunately love doesn't die when a relationship does.) He never realized it. He never felt that strongly. He liked me. But that can only lead so far.

It feels utterly horrible now, sad and lonely. But it's not the end of the world. I know I will get over this (again), but it's gonna take a lot of time, a lot of crying and a lot of sad moments. I know most of my anxiety has come from the fact that I've been expecting and fearing this moment for a long time. Ever since last summer I've been thinking about it, maybe even knowing that it's gonna happen... and fearing it so so much. So maybe it's courage and strength that I could finally let it go and say goodbye.

I have no idea what the future brings, but at least now I can go there with the knowledge that I am not with a person who doesn't love me.